Pants for Muscular Men (Pants 101 amended)

In relation to my last post I had a friend text me: “…try having fashion applicable to men that have actual muscle mass. Skinny cut pants aren’t possible for real men [whose] thighs are twice as big as their calf”

For starters, I would argue that a real man is not measured in muscles, just as I would argue that a real man is not measured by his penis size or bank account. I would personally measure a man by his decency, support & honesty to others, along with an ability to keep a cool head in any situation and never lose his temper. I may be old-fashioned in this regard. But in the quest to prove oneself as a real man, in my opinion, the constant dedication, discipline & persistence on the given course to get jacked is as close of an indicator of a real man as one can get. Along with one’s zealousness for protein shakes and abhorrence for empty calories in the pursuit of getting shredded, one must know how to wear the right clothes to show off what you got.

One thing is for sure thogh, my friend was right. It is hard for a muscular man to dress properly with a narrow waist & strong thighs. The solution for this is to find a pair of pants in the Relaxed category that fit well in the thigh and on the gluts first, despite the oversized waist and baggy shins. For Jeans you will want them tight on the thigh as they will stretch, and Khakis/Slacks with more of an exact fit. Now, you have to make custom form-fitting pants, so take them to a tailor to get the waist properly fitted along with the legs tapered from the thigh down to the ankle. With Khakis/Slacks you want a Small or No Break on the length because any extra fabric at the bottom makes this body size look more short than muscular. For Jeans you can have them a little longer on the break if you want to roll them up, but I would still just recommend a small break still and a half-inch turn when you want to roll them up.

The idea from my last post stands true, jocks just have to customize their pants to get the waist and taper correct. This can be inexpensive if you get cheaper pants, but you might want to spurge on the tailor & find one who is recommended by other muscular men. My favorite tailor in Pdx is Mike, The Tailor, he works in the back of Collier (615 SW Broadway ave. Suite 103) & even though I don’t know his experience in this area, he can probably take care of you.

For your first couple of trips to the tailor I would recommend getting fully refundable pants or cheap thrift shop pants to make sure the tailor can do the alterations you want for the price you want to pay.

I hope this helps.

For future reference to anyone who has questions/comments/concerns/complaints you can post it here on my blog under the comments section, email me, Tweet or FB me. Others may have the same questions or may have good advice for you too.

BCS

A Guide to Stop Wearing Stupid Tees

Tee shirts are played out. There was a time when you had to look a certain way to fit into a certain group. That was middle & high school. Remember? You had to wear Polo & Tommy Hilfiger to fit in with the preps, DC to fit in with the skate/snowboarders, etc. Then you graduated high school & realized that people don’t always fit into the confines of their clothes. Back then tees had a very important role. You needed them to show others where you fit in. They were a quick orientation to who you were, so your classmates could know whether to avoid you or not.

As a grown man though they are not that useful. Let me tell you why:

chubby shirt

1. First off they are one of the most unflattering articles of clothing a man can wear. They hide nothing at the right size, notice above, this average guy shows a gut with a properly fitting tee. The other problem is that if you get a size up, they add much more mass, and look boxy. You basically have to be in great shape to look good in a tee.

stupid shirt

2. They can be stupid. My theory is to not wear any tee with words on it. As soon as I see a guy with a “funny” shirt on, I know he is a douche. I think with style people don’t get that you want people to be impressed by the way you dress. If your sense of humor is ‘shock value’ then say something shocking, don’t wear a stupid shirt to try to show what you find funny. If you want to be a nerd, wear nerdy glasses and nice clothes, don’t wear a shirt with a nerd joke on it.  If you rock baggy cargo sorts and a tee like the one above, everyone who sees you will know you are stuck in your frat-boy/womanizing party days and may be fun to have a couple of drinks with, & while girls with daddy-issues may appreciate their attention, once the sack-taps start you can count your friends minus this bro. When I see writing on a shirt, I only try to read it to find out how much of a tool the dude wearing it is.

cartoon

3. Cartoon shirts. Don’t do it. Everyone likes cartoons. Everyone likes superheros. Wow, you like Batman? Let me guess, you liked the most recent trilogy best? Point made. Just don’t wear screen-printed tees, words or cartoons or pictures.

Kids_Dark_Grey_Marl_US_Tour_76_Rolling_Stones_T_Shirt_from_Amplified_Kids_hi_res

4. Band tees. Okay, please, don’t buy band shirts for tours you haven’t been to. It’s pretty obvious wearing a shirt like the above when you were born in the 80’s. Since the internet has ruined the music industry clothes no longer define what music people listen to (sorry 90’s). Since you had soccer mom’s singing along to “Go Shawty! It’s yo’ birfday!”, sagging your pants has never quite been the same (thanks Fiddy). With all the genre bending in music today, to try yo stay confined to one style is pretty close minded. The only band shirts you can get away with are obscure groups you have seen live, even then, these are only useful to lounge around and go grocery shopping with, not a staple in your wardrobe please.

Nike-Head-T-Shirtnike shirt

5. Sports/athletic shirts. There is nothing a shirt like the above can tell me about a person I can’t already deduce. If you wear it and are overweight, I know you like to watch sports and hate to play them. If you are in good shape & wear it, I know you like to be in good shape and workout. I could have come to those conclusions with a plain white tee. Keep it to actual sports games (live or home, not at the bar) and playing sports/being active/working out. When wearing them, choose something simple, like the pic on the right, not the left.

Here’s the thing: People are complex. If you dress yourself in a tee that puts you in a stereotype, you are only doing yourself a disservice. You don’t want to be fully stereotyped on sight by everyone you see. You want some mystery(think James Bond, Bruce Wayne), it attracts people to you & your personality. You don’t want people assuming who you are at first sight, that is a fashion fail.

What to do:

ryan-gosling-henley-t-shirt

Take a hint from Ryan Gosling. He is wearing what is called a Henley. This has buttons on the neck of the shirt and is way classier than a tee. It also is better at hiding a little bit of belly chub.

Celebrity Sightings In New York City - August 9, 200742166c1605d4002c_joseph-gordon-levitt-05

Also, take a hint from JGL. Stripes & V-necks are great for tees, not screen-printed images that make it look like you are still in high school. If you were smart enough to graduate, you should know your style should’ve graduated too.

Henley, V-necks & stripes are the way to go casual.

BCS

The White-Under-Tee

I saw a friend of mine wear a white under tee, now normally I violently oppose this look & think all tees are overrated. But he pulled it off well.

I wondered why I liked it when he did it, but hated it all the many times I observed it before.

This look is pure laziness in its genus. But to remix the inherent laziness with a great look creates the effect of a godly, effortless style. And trust me, you want that.

Here’s what he did that you should do if you decide to pull off the white under tee:

1. Wear nice, dressy shoes. No sneakers/slippers/flip-flops or you will honestly look like a lazy bitch. No one likes a lazy bitch. Grow up.

2. Don’t actually wear your yellow pitted, crew-neck, 2-year-old undershirt that is in your drawer now. Go buy a nice fitting v-neck white shirt that people think is an undershirt with short-short sleeves. This way, everyone thinks you look that good getting dressed everyday.

Protip: The yellow pit stains in your shirts & undershirts are not yellow toxic bile constantly leaking out of your smelly pits. It is the metal in your deodorant. The aluminum is the antiperspirants that stops you from sweating & is in 99% of deodorants. It is bad for you and ruins your clothes. I recommend Tom’s of Maine, un-scented deodorant & while you will not smell like BO, you will sweat as much as you would without antiperspirants.  Also, aluminum in the body has been traced to alzheimers & cancer, so I don’t fux with antiperspirants.

Those are the only two real rules. Fun socks upgrade this look. Slacks and jeans both work with this.

Good luck looking lazy. I know it’s hard work.

BCS